My Thought on Resolutions
I think that is common to see at the end of a year that one may have failed miserably in fulfilling their New Year's Resolution. One cause of that fault is because the person has likely lost sight of it. I admit, that I have forgotten until it popped into my mind now. I'd like to remind us that my hope is to love well this year. It has been easy, I know for me, to get wrapped up in the demands of daily life. I have not phoned home in probably a couple months--this is referring to having an open-hearted, share about life talk.
When I am away at college, I have felt a little disconnected from home, I have some fear that if I extend and embrace the relationships I have in California, I will become too fond of home that I will actually admit I am homesick. I know I am a person who loves deeply, which means that I often want to be where the people I love are. I am closing on the remaining 3 weeks of my senior year. That. Stuns. Me. I realize that I have spent a lot of energy focusing on the wrong things. One senses they have not gone too far, when they are not certain of where they want to head toward.
How this Resolution Came About
I remind myself that one reason I came to CIU is so that I would be part of a graduating class size that makes it possible to get to know those whom I will graduate with. This desire extends to wanting to know the people in my school.
My freshman self would say that I was good at this then. Though then, I wasn't trying. I just felt secure in who I was. I would go to all the organized social events, constantly initiate conversations of introductions with whoever I met, I established good friendships, watched Netflix on the weekends often, and joined the weekly movie nights in the theater rooms on campus. I didn't realize that I was loving until one of my upperclassmen friends told me "you are good at loving people". I think the key to that was not expecting anything in return and loving what is.
Obstacles to Loving Well
Across the three following years I have been here, there has been a lot of change in friendship. There have been misunderstandings and disloyalty among the nightly catch ups and weekend activities.
I began to ask in my heart, "I loved you. How could you do this to me?" and to God I said, "Why do you choose to take from me? What will I do now?"
Wise friends tell me, "Christy, people will always disappoint you. God never will. He is always there when the people aren't."
God has shown me countless times that I instinctively run to human help, feeling alone, when He wishes that I knew to turn to Him first. He cares to hear and always has. I receive rest in Him, but then I forget it, moving onto tomorrow.
In Scripture, it talks a lot about Israel forsaking their God and turning to other things as their focus. I don't want that to be anywhere near where I am headed.
I think the sickness in my heart has been my inconsistency in living out my knowledge of how as believers in Christ Jesus, love for others is an outflow of the love we have flowing out of our relationship with God. When I extend acts of kindness, I should not be so concerned that people see that Christy did it, but rather be more focus on "as a recognition of God's merciful love for me, I choose to live out God's love.
Imagine how hard it is to get water, if you forget where it comes from. It is embarrassing to say, but that is how I have been living. You cannot draw from an empty well. I think the best way for me to love others well, is by spending more intimate time with my Maker. I cannot recognize His love unless I invest time in knowing Him.
Do you still remember your New Year's Resolution? Do you think you are still heading toward it, or have you lost sight of it like many of us? It's April and not too late, which is as true as the fact that God's grace upholds us. Choose to accept His strength.
Please pray for me in this season, to stay near to the heartbeat of God's love. A heartbeat is heard in the stillness by attentive ears. Lord, help me live by it.
Readers, I will pray that you will recognize God's extension of His strength to help you accomplish positive change in your own life!
